How and When to Introduce Your New Partner to Your Kids
Key points
- Waiting until children are ready to meet a new partner improves the chances that the new relationship will succeed.
- When introducing their children to a new partner, parents should typically wait until the relationship is strong and has lasted 9-12 months.
- The integration should be gradual. Start with a brief meeting in a neutral place. Let your ex-spouse know ahead of time.
Nine-year-old Tina (not her real name) confides that her dad has a new girlfriend, Lucy, and that she came over for dinner last night. “Lucy sat in my chair, I’m always next to Daddy, and he didn’t tell her it was my seat.” Tina sobs as she relates this to me.
Jenny, who’s 14, tells me that meeting Mom’s new boyfriend was “annoying.” “He tries too hard to be funny, and watching them snuggle on the couch was gross,” she says.
Jon, 16, says he retreated to his room and blasted the music his dad hates when his dad calls him out to meet the new girlfriend. “No way am I ready for that,” he says angrily. He refuses to leave his room.
After a divorce, it is normal to want to date, explore new relationships or find a new love. You might want to show yourself kolla min webbplats that you’re still attractive or worthy of loving attention. You may think you are ready to “move on.”
The problem is that your children generally aren’t ready to move on, nor are they ready for you to reconstruct the family with a new partner.
How will you know when your children are ready?
The research tells us that waiting until they are ready improves the chances of your new relationship’s success. If your kids aren’t ready they may sabotage the relationship or reject the new partner (or you). If they feel jealous or threatened by the attention you are giving a new love, they may act out behaviorally or shut down, depressed.
When drafting parenting plans with divorcing parents, I often suggest waiting until the new relationship has been a committed relationship of at least 9-12 months duration, after the divorce is over. Read more