He could have a low sex drive, but his adventure on the internet after marriage suggests we look for other answers. What’s more likely is that he has developed tried and proven ways to masturbate that he prefers over making love to you. Masturbation is simple and predictable – no muss no fuss. If his masturbation satisfies his sexual need, it could account for his reluctance to make love to you.
You may also have made love for hours at a time
Over the years I have come to the conclusion that married couples should try to avoid sexual experiences outside each other’s company. My reasoning is that sex is so enjoyable that the pleasure people receive from it should not be squandered. To review my “Love Bank” concept, whenever you have pleasure in each other’s company, you deposit love units in each other’s Love Banks, thereby increasing your feeling of romantic love for each other. If you limit your sexual experiences to times you are together (especially if they are often), the feeling of love will be enhanced.
On the other hand, if you have sexual experiences with others, even over the internet where it is essentially a fantasy, you build feelings of love toward those people instead of your spouse. Even masturbation, with no one present and no object of fantasy, takes the place of times that love units could have been deposited in marriage.
He may also be back to computer sex, only this time he’s figured out a way to prevent you from seeing his screen
Most sexually experienced women who are in love can outlast the men they love. You mention that you garota mexicano quente and your husband made love every day for the first five months. It’s possible that you have worn him out. He may have decided that sex with you was too much work, and has reverted to what he did before he married you, masturbation, which was less work and more satisfying.
Whether he is just tired, or channeled his sexual energy elsewhere, honesty and openness is the key to revealing what it is that is inhibiting him. I have an article on my Basic Concepts page, “The Rule of Honesty for a Successful Marriage.” It may be something you and he could read together, and then see if he will agree to it. It may be that he has been keeping his sexual behavior from you because he knows you would be offended by it. Besides, he already knows what you do when you discover it – you make him quit!
He knows what the problem is better than anyone else, and, if he wants to, he can explain it to you. It may be a sexual problem or it may go beyond just sex – it may be some other aspect of your relationship that is turning him off, although you have said that he remains affectionate and complementary toward you.
After you know what it is that keeps him from making love to you more often and more spontaneously, create a plan together that addresses his concerns. The secret to success in this step is to brainstorme up with as many ideas as you can think of and don’t start filtering them until you have given your imaginations a chance.
Finally, select the plan that appeals to both of you. It may mean that he is more spontaneous in return for not having to do as much whenever you make love. He might want to limit sex to 10 minutes. Whatever obstacle to lovemaking he identifies should be overcome in your final plan.
